6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
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re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied 
06/05/2009 18:08 - Bullying
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There are manipulative children everywhere. A girl in my daughter´s class decided that the girls in the class would go on an outing last week. Some girls were left out by the ´ringleader´. My daughter was not happy about this so we advised her to invite them, with a few other girls (They are 11 years old). When I was driving my daughter to the outing, she told me that she would be sitting beside x. I thought it strange as she would not be especially friendly with this little girl. When I asked my daughter, she said ´but that´s who Y told me to sit beside´. The ringleader was at it again. I told my daughter to sit beside whoever she felt happy sitting beside but to include everyone. At this point, most of the other girls are getting tired of the ringleader and begginning to see through the behaviour - at last.
This is really nothing to do with the school as it was an out of school event and something that some of the parents would encourage. Be aware also that bullies are extremely careful to do things when and where they will not be seen or heard. It is very easy to blame the principal, the teacher or whoever. Schools can do their very best to be vigilant, have an anti-bullying policy in place etc etc. From what you´ve described, Suzi-Suz, there appears to have been bad blood involved in out of school situations which, after the Gardai were called in, appears to have escalated. That doesn´t excuse any of what you have described. It seems to have been an upsetting experience. There are occasions when resorting to the Gardai as a first measure may not be the best course of action, no matter how tempted we may be. Sometimes it pays to stop and think before doing something in the heat of the moment.
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
06/05/2009 21:31 - Bullying
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When I read Suzi´s posts earlier, I have to say that the very same thing struck me. I suppose we all have to be careful about what we say, we write or what we type on an online site like this, that is open to thousands and is a clear record of what we say/write/type.
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
29/05/2008 12:23 - Bullying
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That truely is awful for your poor daughter. It is such a shame that this is allowed carry on. I was also told that this couldn´t be seen in the classroom and there was really nothing could be done unless the teacher is told at the time. You´d swear the concept of a bully manipulating the victim into not opening their mouth never occured to these teachers. I have had some free time lately so have been able to go to some of the school outings and out of school activities where all the children are to see if I could see what was happening myself. It is obvious that the leader girl just sees my daughter as an easy target, my dd is a quiet little thing, I´m sure the same as your own, who finds it hard to speak up for herself. So what I have done is started doing role playing, where she plays the bully and I play my daughter. Its funny the amount you find out that she would have never told me straight out. This little brat of a bully has even slagged my daughter over the fact she doesn´t see her father anymore... needless to say I saw red at that. But I have to say the role playing has seemed to help alot. I gave my daughter a few hinters on how to stick up for herself. I told her not to worry about hurting the other girls feelings, that she has my permission in this circumstances. But it seems to have worked, so far anyway. My daughter is coming home much happier in herself. Before this the other girl would have walked by my daughter without so much as a hello but now she seems to have a bit more respect for her and she wants to be my daughters friend. As yet my daughter is having nothing to do with her.
I also made the effort to invite the other girls.. the followers of the bully, over for play days and made sure they had plenty of fun. As much as it goes against my nature to encourage isolating a child, the bully does seem to have noticed and I´m hoping it might be the lesson she needs, which she obviously wasn´t getting from school or her own parents.
I really hope this improves for you and your daughter, I know there is nothing worse. Have you tried talking to the principle or even the board of management. Let the teacher know you are not a pushover and there must be something done about this.
I wish you the best of luck
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
15/05/2008 11:40 - Bullying
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Hi Jay
I am so sorry to hear about your son. It is awful to think that our children are getting this kind of image of what school is like when they are so young.
My sister is currently studying to be a primary teacher and just the other day she phoned to say they had a lecture regarding bullying and what should be done. She gave some good advise. You could ask the principle of the school for a copy of their bullying procedures. Apparently every school must have a defined protocol to deal with bullying and if nothing is being done in the school your son is in, you have a right to sue them. I know thats the last thing on your mind, but it´d be no harm letting the principle know that you are aware of your rights as a parent and that action MUST be taken to protect your son.
Luckily my daughter seems happier now, and the bully hasnt said boo to her since. I´m keeping my eye on it though because the mother was meant to phone me to talk about it.. that was a month ago and I´m still waiting for that phone call. The bullies aren´t born bullies, we all know that!
I do hope you manage to get through to the school about the seriousness of the situation for your son. Have you thought of reporting the matter to the Board of Management also? Perhaps the principle will act quicker if he or she is getting pressure from the top?
Best of luck with it, I hope it works out.
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
06/05/2009 22:06 - Bullying
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Well done Suzi. You took the advice very well. I have seen other people who have been very aggressive when given similar advice. The main thing is that sometimes others cannot see what we cannot see ourselves and it helps when we get a few genuine words of advice. Well done again.
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
06/05/2009 18:23 - Bullying
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Suzi suz. I have just read your postings and I too would like to extend a warm welcome along with some words of advice. I would be very careful, (given that you have identified where you live) about going into the explicit details on this public forum. There are people who could easily be identified which is very dangerous territory.
You and your child had a difficult time. There are other parties, however, whom you have mentioned here, including the principal and the school. Sometimes there may be other factors that you or we may not know anything about. They may not be apparent but we have to be conscious that the story you have described from your point of view, could be seen a little differently by others. It is quite dangerous, therefore, to all but identify others - eg. you´ve said you live in village BLANK, there are BLANK number of teachers in the school. I presume there is only one principal and so on. Thread very carefully.
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
01/06/2008 07:59 - Bullying
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Brid thanks a milion for the advise,
We have decided to send herself and her brother(who is starting school in september to a diferent school. I have spoken to the teacher on numerous ocassions and have even gone in with my husband twice........I have been told she should have spoken to the other parents before it got this far. Although the teacher has mentioned speaking to the other parents since this started she hasn´t to date. The situation isn´t improving for my daughter and she only seems relaxed about yardtime if the srongerwilled girl isn´t in school.
My husband was disgusted to see one of the older boys thumping the back of a smaller boy in a classroom and then move on to pull a girls ponytail the last time we where in to see the teacher.
Thanks for the advise and I wish you the best for the future.
| 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
28/04/2008 10:42 - Bullying
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My daughter is currently in senior infants. The class is very small, only 5 girls. Since junior infants there has been a problem with my daughter being left out of games, when she is "allowed" she is told she can only play the "ugly" one, or the "uncool" ones. When I spoke to the teacher I was told I was worrying too much. It has got worse this year so I have arranged meetings with teacher and principle. Parents were called in and the matter improved greatly. I had thought that was the end of it but it was my daughters birthday last week and both on her birthday and at her party the ringleader reduced my daughter to tears. When I asked my daughter about it and was this something that happens often she said it is. When I asked why she hadn´t told me or the teacher she said she didn´t want to get this girl in trouble because she would be upset. It is heartbreaking to see and the worrying thing is that I can see my daughter copying this kind of behaviour with the younger children in junior infants, telling them what to do and trying to be their ringleader. Obviously she gets in trouble with me for this, but how can I show her that this kind of behaviour isnt acceptable when she´s receiving the same treatment elsewhere. I´m very concerned that my daughter is starting to think that its ok for her to be picked on like this.. that this is what friendships like. Any advise from anyone would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
28/05/2008 10:30 - Bullying
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I´m having much the same problem with my six year old. There are only three girls in her class and she seems to be the odd one out. It depends on how the stronger willed girl is feeling weather she gets to join in the games in the yard..........and she has been called pathetic, a loser and useless. She has been told she´s hated and that she has made the other girls life miserable. We are at our wits end as approaching the parents of the girls involved hasn´t helped. The teacher assures us that she watches from the class room window and hasn´t seen any bullying behaviour in the last while............Our little girl has stomach pains in the morning and is afraid of what the girls may do to her. The only solution the teacher has ofered is to give her a sticker when we get her to go to school!!
We are seriously considering changing schools and are hoping it will be the solution that we need. it´s very hard to send you child off every morning knowing that they are fearful of something happening to them.
we have been told that because the kids are six they don´t always remember what they have done................unfortunitly that only works for those doling out the nasty comments as my child remembers what has been done and said to hurt her feelings!!
I wish there was a handbook that could direct you when you feel totally at a loss!!
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
14/05/2008 20:20 - Bullying
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hi brid
I am happy that things are looking up for your daughter,it gives me hope.Just today I had to keep my 6 year old little boy home from school as he point blank refused to go.One child in his class has been telling other kids to hit and kick him,he has come home with cuts and bruises to his face, back and legs and on one occasion, just a couple of days ago,his groin.I have spoken to his teacher and the principle and even the childs mother and i feel that i am getting nowhere.My son is now wetting the bed and becoming a very angry little boy.I am at my wits end. I have invited 2 of the boys in his class to our house for playdates and we are very lucky that those 2 boys and their parents have been very supportive.
I read that you are thinking of sending your daughter to a bigger school but to be honest it doesn´t make a difference, you will get bullies everywhere,my son goes to a big school. your daughters principle sounds to be helpful,at the moment my sons won´t take the time to hear us.
I really hope that we can have an outcome like yours.
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
28/04/2008 18:38 - Bullying
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Gina thanks so much for that reply. It sounds like exactly the same kind of situation.
Since september I have brought a few of the children over for play days and they´ve gotten on like a house on fire. Her relationship with the other girls has improved immensely, and other parents have pointedly made the effort with inviting my daughter over. On advise from the principle in the school I have never invited the ringleader, her reasoning being that it would be no harm for the ringleader to see how it feels. I am wary of this as last thing I want is to further the rift between the girls.
From the time this started happening I have thought that this wouldnt be happening if she was in a bigger school. This could be an option but its something I´d rather not do for now. I might wait and see how next year goes, because they will then be in 1st class and will be in the class with 2nd class, maybe with older children in the class this ringleader will no longer feel like she rules the roost. Hopefully!!
I really do appreciate the advise, it helps alot to hear from someone who´s been through it. As a single mother trying in the middle of trying to get my degree, I often find myself doubting how I´m going about things, its good to get advise. Funny that I can understand economics and law but am baffled by a 6 yr old!!
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
06/05/2009 22:02 - Bullying
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ops my bad..delete if need be.
thanks for the advice it was only after i posted that i realised i shouldnt have given so much info anyways thanks
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
06/05/2009 18:10 - Bullying
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The main thing is to give your own child confidence and to ensure that he is encouraged to stay away from this child. Once your son has his own friends and is happy and can move on, that is what is important.
| re : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
28/04/2008 18:00 - Bullying
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Hi Brid
My heart goes out to you, its hearbreaking to watch a young child struggling to cope and be ´brave´. I had a similar situation with my daughter when she was around the same age. The class was also small which was one of the things which initially attracted me to the school, only 5 girls in my daughters class. The problem I found with such a small group is that if the dynamic doesn´t work between the group it becomes a much bigger issue than if my daughter had been in a bigger school. Kids, and I think particularly girls, fall in and out of friendship regularly with petty fights etc. In a larger school if they are not getting on with one group they mix with others and eventually thinks work themselves out. However when my daughter was in the small class, she , like your daughter was picked on, told she was ´uncool´ and often not allowed play with others. I did try and resolve some of the issues by speaking with the teachers but in the end I felt that it was too difficult to change the dynamic and that my child was unhappy so we moved her.
She is now in a much larger school and is much happier. Yes she still comes home from time to time recounting fights or upsets but they blow over a lot easier as the circle of friends is bigger and if she falls out with one or two kids she still has other friends. I find now that I don´t have to get involved trying to help her sort out the issues whereas I found I was contantly worrying about here in the other school. Moving school may not be an option or the solution for your daughter but it worked for us.
If your child is remaining in the school it is obviously important to keep working on the relationships with the other girls. Invite the girls over regularly and although it may sound a little superficial, it can help to try improve your childs ´coolness´ by perhaps arranging an outing for them all or a fun activity while they are in your house . Its also important to create other circles of friends for your child outside the school by having her join a club or class where she can make other friends that you can also invite over.
Not sure if any of the above helps but I do know how hard it is to go to pick your child up from school and to see their creastfallen face after yet another sad day at school.
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
06/05/2009 17:51 - Bullying
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hi new here..
i have an 8yr old..last year he ws being bullied by a boy 2yrs older than him,this child lives across the road from us and has bullied my son throughtout the summer of last year. it got so bad that we considered selling up and moving away. i did confront his mother to be told boys will be boys, now i do understand that boys will be rough but this child and his brother would pin my son to the ground and kick him in the head stomach and legs. it got that bad we had to involve the garda and he was told to stay in his own estate he was kept over in his own estate for all of about 2weeks and it started again but not as bad..he then went back to school after the summer holidays and a week back he arrives home with a lump the size of a golf ball on his forehead. i asked him what had happened and he told me he was in the toilet in the cubicle when the bully came in and repeatly banged the door against his head,now something i have not mentioned is that the school DID NOT contact myself or my husband to inform us what had happened,we then brought our son to school the next morning to discuss what had happened and was told it was an accident myself and my husband were shocked at how the principle could call what this bully had done to our child as an accident.
how do you accidently bang a door into another childs head by accident i asked the principle to which he replied i dont know i have never tried it before.
for 2weeks he would not go to school he was terrified of this child. we did ask the principle what action would be taken and we were told the bully was to say sorry i was disgusted as the principle was informed that this child was bullying my son at home also. i took pictures of my sons forehead and wrote a letter to the board of education highlighting what had happened to my son and that no action was to be taken. it maked my blood boil that children can bully and get away with it!!
| re... : 6 yr old Girl Being Isolated and Bullied
05/11/2008 13:02 - Bullying
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hi,just new to this website.sorry to hear of the difficulties you and your daughter are having.its heartbreaking for mum to watch her little treasures confidence being ripped away.my daughter was the same age when it started. we had just moved to a new school. and it started immediately. this childs mother is secretary of school which made things very awkward. she is a bully herself as i found out later.. i approached the mother very politely in the office before going to principal and she said she could not get involved. i said i would prefer not to go to principal and sort it out ourselves.the principal at the time was a nun who had been there for 15 years or so and was well set in her ways. when i went to see her about it, she suggested i get another school. i was shocked to say the least,but persisted and said she would deal with it. the bullying continued, isolating, name calling, intimidation. i kept going back to her and the class teacher who was most unhelpful. eventually i contacted the board of management. i wrote a letter telling them what had happened to date. the reply was so offensive i contacted a solicitor. on the letter , it commented that i had not written date or signed the letter , which was totally dismissing the seriousness of my complaint, but said they would investigate.they replied back saying that a meeting had been arranged. my solicitor told me there was no need for this as i had already clearly stated the problems that we were having and judging by the letter , they had already taken a stance against us.letters from solicitors passed over and back.them saying they were doing everything they could , but for us
the bullying continued. my daughter was so upset one day , she refused to go. to get her into school, i promised to be outside the wall of the playground, in the car, to be there if anything happened. she was happy with this and so she agreed.i did this for a week or so. letter from solicitor to say i was to stop this as other parents were worried about their children and they were telling their kids to stop playing with my child. this was devestating n ews for me.because it was now us that was the problem.one day the father of the child spat on the ground as i stood waiting forthe kids to come out from school; i went in to principal and told her and she told me to get on to guards about it, which i did, but told them not to act. that weekend two guards called to my door and said that they recieved a complaint from the school that i had held my fist up to the child and that i was making people uncomfortable in the school, that i raised my voice at meetings in the school with the principal. that i was to stop coming to the schol at breaktime. that they were looking after the situation.meanwhile the bullying continued.the mother of the child would try and intimidate me by staring at me out of her office window when i was on the grounds. i ignored and it was difficult. my childs teacher suggested my child move to the other senior infants class. i refused, i argued she had done no wrong, that the other child be moved. relations broke down with teacher. while she said she was dealing with it, the bullying continued.i know the solicitors letter added fuel to the fire but i felt i had no other choice. i was worn out ringing dep of education, anti bullying helplines, parentline, then she came home and said that two 6th class girls pulled her up the steps of the school and forced her into the toilets,she managed to get away and told one of the care assistants. of course no
i immediately decided to take both my children out of the school. i notified the school in writing, the national educational welfare board and the board of management that i would not return them until this was dealt with and sorted out. that enough is enough. principal rang to say it was being investigated. meeting with board arranged. did not bring solicitor. brought a friend. meeting not good.i was told that all was investigated by school, guards, department, board, and there was no evidence of bullying and that they followed proceedures. basically we were made out to be liars. a new principal had taken over at this stage. and it was near the end of term. i said that i would return the kids on monday( they had been out for 3 weeks) provided this never happen again despite their judgement.i had to agree to collect my child from the door. i wasnt allowed to go into classroom.i was basically treated like a liar,overprotective mother,criminal. it was devestating. but the bullying stopped for a while. it began happening outside at parties. when i went in to tell principal i was told that it was suggested the children be split up into different classes come september. i was delighted with this. and so they were split. back at school in september, it was such a relief for my child not to have to deal with it. the school had a new rule on the playground. that the two classes could not meet or play together. one day she started to pick on my other daughter. again iwent into teacher. said shed handle it. nothing done. was told that the reason the kids was not allowed to play with each other was for our benefit. other parents were resentful and rightly so. it was the schools way of dealing with the problem. again we were portrayed as being difficult and while it looked like it was benefiting us , it was actually doing the opposite. the problem was not being dealt with.
she continues to bully to this day. in fact it has just started up again. that is why i found this website. my child has started doing activities after school, something she hasnt done for fear of problem starting again. well guess what it has . just two days ago she came out of school in tears saying she was made look like an idiot in front of others. my child has a speech delay and she mocked her voice and tried to isolate her. i went straight into principal with the sports teacher who of course saw nothing.the principal said she would look after it and that she was to put it behind her. easy to say. next day my child and the other were called to her office and she was made apologise to her,said it would not happen again, but twisted the story to make it look like my child had also been mean to her. she simply said stop being mean. while she was going back to her class, the mother(the secretary of the school) stood staring at her till she turned the corner. i find this behavior totally unacceptable and am considering making a complaint about her but am reluctant because of the outcome of the last meeting with the board.i dont know the best thing to do.i have just brought my chiold to the doctortoday as she has developed a rash in the last week and was told it was shingles. she is only 11. i feel totally helpless and feel total injustice with the whole situation. why dont i change schools?. as another parent said, there is bullies in every school , id be afraid it happen again. she has 2 more years at this school and they will be going to the same secondary school as each other. iworry it willget worse in secondary. she is obviously not gonna change.i worry what effect this is having on my kid.her confidence is very low. she is very bright, has won numerous art competitions, is very friendly and well mannered, is involved in alot of activities outside school but has not developed strong friendships. shes friends with everyone but has no special ones. the older kids get , they form groups and she is having difficuly being part of any group. it usually breaks up. sometimes i wish i never got the schoo;l involved. it hasnt resolved the problem. its so unfair, sorry this message is so long.
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