- Ireland's Online Resource for Parents & Teachers

Parenting & Education in Ireland - Ireland's Online Resource for Parents & Teachers

Parenting & Education

× Home Parents Associations About Us
Log in Register Forgot password? ×

Ruining her life!!

re... : Ruining her life!!           reply
24/04/2009 12:55 - Ask Mother Hen
Read this thread with interest. Just a thought - Is there any chance your daughter views the move as a change in the family dynamic? You said you are moving with your partner and your daughter. If your partner is not your daughter´s Dad, perhaps she sees the change as a new phase over, where everything will change, not just where you live. Perhaps I´m totally off course but thought I would mention this, in case it´s of any relevance. Hope it all goes well for you.

re... : Ruining her life!!           reply
24/04/2009 17:15 - Ask Mother Hen
It´s so hard to know what´s going on in our children´s minds. If we could be mind readers, it would help. I agree that there could be several reasons why your daughter is unhappy about the move. Try to remain as positive and calm as you can. Easier said than done, I know but reassure your daughter and tell her that whenever she feels like talking, you´ll be happy to listen.

re : Ruining her life!!           reply
20/04/2009 21:30 - Ask Mother Hen
It´s a predictable and understandable reaction. It is a reaction that is probably worse than the reaction you could have expected when she was 8 but not as bad as the one you would have had when she was 16. Friends become increasingly more important in the lives of children as they get older. In another few years, friends are MORE important than parents.
All you can do is your best. You can say that you will often have the chance of going back to Dublin. Friends can come and visit too but she´ll be starting secondary at the best possible time when everybody is new. After a short time, she will have lots of new friends. She will probably be seen as cool, having come from Dublin.
If you feel your daughter is still unsettled after you move, it might be worth explaining the situation to the school, just so as they may be a little more understanding. Try to suss out extra curricular activities available in the new area that you think might interest her.
Best of luck. Hope everything works out really well.

Ruining her life!!           reply
20/04/2009 12:09 - Ask Mother Hen

My partner and I are planning a move from Dublin to Longford in the next few months. We have decided which house we want etc and from that point of view all is ticking along nicely.

An issue has arisen in that my 12 year old daughter is incredibley unhappy about the move and in tears about having to go to a new school. I have picked out a school for her a spoken to the principle who is quite happy to accomodate her in September down in Longford.

She has attended primary school in the same school all along in Dublin and was due to move into the secondary school affiliated with the primary in September. A number of her friends will be going to different schools but the majority will be heading into the affiliated secondary school together. She is very distraught at the idea of leaving her friends behind and not seeing them every day any more.

I would dearly like to make the transition to the new school (and the new area) as painless as possible for her but I am at a loss as to how to comfort her or how to put the positive spin on the move. As a woman in my 30s, my outlook on life is (obviously!) quite different to hers. Whereas I see it as a wondeful new start and better quality of life for all three of us - and any future family additions :), she thinks that we are ruining her life.

My work contract finishes in August and it is not necessary for me to start a new contract immediately so I will be available to meet her after school or be there for her when she gets out of school for at least the first six weeks.

I would love to get any advice about encouraging her to see the positive sidefrom anyone who thinks they could help or who has been in a similar situation before.

We just want her to be happy and to enjoy life....

re... : Ruining her life!!           reply
05/05/2009 12:09 - Ask Mother Hen
Try not to worry too much. When children go to secondary school, they usually end up making a totally new group of friends anyway and so changing schools should not be an issue. The fact that she is starting secondary rather than trying to join an already established group of classes is a positive as the groups and classes will be new to everyone.
When you do move, let your daughter arrange some sleepover weekends for her current friends to help her to settle in and also to have some ´backup´ people to go out with which may help her to settle in to the new area. If her friends offer then you could let her have some sleepovers at their houses too. This will ease her in!
I am sure you are already involving her in the practical items of the move, letting her get involved in choosing colours etc., for her room and so forth. This will help. If she is involved in any activities at the moment (e.g. sports, dancing etc) then check out similar in the new area and try to get her involved. This will allow her to continue to do things she enjoys and also help her to meet new people.
Overall, try not to worry too much - I am sure that after the first few days at secondary school she will be well settled and have a new group of friends.

re... : Ruining her life!!           reply
20/04/2009 21:34 - Ask Mother Hen
You could also mention that she could be going to College in Dublin when she´s 18 and then she´ll have her friends from her new home, as well as the friends in Dublin with whom she wants to remain in contact. Also with so many internet social sites (I´m not promoting BEBO but you know the kind of thing I mean) as well as text messaging, it will be very easy to stay in contact with her friends from Dublin. I know in reality, you don´t want her to be over dependent on the Dublin friends but if it helps her until she´s settled, it might be worth a try.

re... : Ruining her life!!           reply
06/05/2009 16:57 - Ask Mother Hen
Hi Com30. I have been thinking about you and wondering if there have been any developments? Are things any better or did any of the advice you were given prove to be in any way helpful? Best of luck.

discussion forum terms & conditions